quinta-feira, 20 de agosto de 2015

HOW TO WORSEN BRAZIL


 



                Many friends have complained that this country isn’t going fast enough, that it has been too lazy, inconstant and doubtful in its march towards backwardness. This way, they say, we will never get what we are promised to. One century ago, poet Oswald de Andrade claimed that antropophagy was the way we should undertake to  reach civilization right away, but we have evolved since: now autophagy is the thing, our real style. Why should we worry about this national  foolishness if we can achieve this much faster than politicians, economists and the media have voiced?
            Crises is all around, let's pump our economic figures! It could just be more chaotic and unplanned than before, let's rest in piece. What does this people want? more half a million of polluting, noisy, individuallistic, dusgusting cars, highways, factories, second-class frozen recipies, growing everywhere, like mushrooms. There are people going hungry in this country,  but the number of obese is doubling every year. Put it all together in our already unliveable villages, towns, cities and negalopolies, all of them on the brink of a standstill. We’ll make our life impossible and get a world record: the first nation to demystify this decadent model of civilization.
            Historical sites, cultural venues, nice gardens and parks must be flatenned to make room for more malls and parking lots, so that we won’t recognize any trace of our past in our present. The right ballance  between progress and retrogression, got it?  Since Cabral and the carvels we’ve swung between construction and destruction, so let’s not be greedy.
            Our lack of prejudice at this point was sealed by our wise  former president (may she rest in peace), who, in a rare glance of enlightenment, spelled: “Nature obstructs progress”. Brazilian Cerrado is gone, so is the once magnificent coastal rain forest, mountains and mountains of the central state of Minas Gerais have been shipped away to Japan, China and Europe packed as iron ore to feed progress!  They leave behind huge craters, which will eventually get full of dirty water that can be used as perfect mirrors to admire our growing uglyness. The Amazon still resists? Not for long, there is a great past ahead.
            Lets shift the poor to the middle classes, offer them cheap credit to buy cars, tiny apartments, maybe a ticket to Disney World. The government will rip them off or will the burglars, thieves, hackers and bankers. The middle class, on the other hand, will be lifted to the elite, where the big ideas, such us the big corruption schemes, are  nursed!
             Flash mob for our national kindness. May those who feel concerned leave their right hand: do you overtake on the right side? do you cut off other drivers? do you gesture, curse, horn unnecessarily, tail gate? I bet you do.



            More meanness. The crowds are hungry for butts,  horrible crimes, briksness!   Soccer is our national game, right? We’re very proud of our team’s achievements, aren't we? Let’s set a rematch with that Teutonic football machine, the terrorising Mannschaft that inflicted a bitter 7 X 1 on us some day in July 2014! This time,  our  brave players won’t duck out, the final score could be something like German 14, Brazil 2.
            What about the last infamous spelling reform that made our language even messier? A clean up would have been more appropriate, words such as “ethics”, “values” and “respect” should be reassessed, simply because there is no evidence they make sense to us.
            Hope the men (and a few  women) in Brasilia won’t listen to me. Anyway, it is time to bid “au revoir” to that old complex! It's take it or leave it. Our past has never been so close to our future.
©
Abrão Brito Lacerda
18 08 15
           
             


             



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