quinta-feira, 20 de agosto de 2015

HOW TO MAKE BRAZIL WORSE


 



                Many folks have complained that this country isn’t going fast enough, that it has been too lazy, inconstant and doubtful in its march towards backwardness. This way, they say, we will never get what we are promised to. One century ago, poet Oswald de Andrade claimed that antropophagia was the way to take us to or far from civilization, but we have evolved since: now autophagia is our real style. That’s why it’s amusing to worry about this old national foolishness. In fact, I believe we can achive our most-longed-for goal in a rather shorter time than politicians, economists and the media have claimed.
            Let’s see: now the crises is all around, so nothing more important than boosting economic developement. We can lie down  in peace cause it may be even more chaotic and unplanned than before. It is just a matter of dropping bashfulness, we all know what we want: millions more of cars, polluting factories, growing everywhere like mushrooms. There are people going hungry in this country and those who eat must get obese in a wink. By increasing the number of everything in our already unliving towns and cities, some of which are on the brink of a standstill, we’ll make our life impossible and get a world record: the first nation to demystify this decadent model of civilization.
            Historical sites, cultural places, nice gardens and parks must be flatenned to make room for malls and parking lots, so that we won’t recognize any trace of our past in our present. This means getting the right ballance  between progress and retrogression! Since Cabral and the carvels we’ve swung between construction and destruction, so let’s not be greedy.
            Our lack of prejudice at this point was sealed by our wise president (may she rest in peace). In a rare moment of enlightenment she spelled: “Nature obstructs progress”. Well, the Cerado is gone forever, so is the once magnificent coastal forest, mountains and mountains of the central state of Minas Gerais have been shipped to Japan, China and anywhere one needs to make steel. Big holes are left behind, they get full of water in the rainy season and make perfect mirrors to admire our growing uglyness. But the Amazon still resists, so there is a great past ahead of us.
            The poor also belong in mankind, so let’s raise them to the middle class and offer them plenty of credit to buy a car, a house,  and a ticket to Disney World. The government will rip them off or will the burglars, thieves, hackers and bankers. The middle class, on the other hand, will be lifted to the elite, where the big ideas, such us the big corruption schemes, are born and nursed. By our dwarfy politicians, those devoted people – devoted to the cause of self-enrichment!
             Flash mob for national kindness: Those who overtake other drivers on the right, leave one hand; those who cut off, move both ears; those who horn unnecessarily, gesture, etc, go to hell!



            More meanness, the crowds are hungry for butts, sex, horrible crimes, briksness! “Bossa Nova”, Tropicalism, “Clube da Esquina”, all those genres that once made the glory of our music are now overflown by tacky things such as that bad imitation of American country music, filthy lyrics, sex-appealing carnaval songs and romantic sambas.
            Soccer is our national game and we’re very proud of our Seleção’s achievements, right? Ok, so let’s set a rematch with the Teutonic football machine, the terrorising Mannschaft that inflicted a bitter 7X1 on us some day in July 2014 during the World Cup and on a Brazilian field! This time, I personnally promise, our players won’t duck out, so the final score could be something like German 14, Brazil ½.
            The Portuguese language is a mess, especially after the last infamous spelling reform? A language clean up would be more appropriate, so words such as “ethics”, “values” and “respect” should be reassessed because there is no evidence they make sense to us anymore.
            Hope the men (and that woman, the president, of course) in Brasilia won’t listen to me. Anyway, it is time to bid “au revoir” to the old inferiority complex! Our past has never been so close to our future - it’s take it or leave it!
©
Abrão Brito Lacerda
18 08 15
           
             


             



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